We all know the Our Father and have heard what Jesus says about prayer. But it’s striking that he adds, “In your prayers do not babble as the pagans do.” So you should pray like this. And it’s simple.

As Catholics—or especially as missionaries—we can feel: I need to pray hours and hours. I need to become amazing like St. Teresa of Avila or whoever else. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t grow in prayer. But prayer is simple.

Prayer is a relationship. God doesn’t want you to pray too much or too little—because it’s not about hanging out in the chapel and saying things over and over.

Sometimes we can see this happen: prayer becomes a fleeing—from my duties, from community, from what I don’t like. No. That’s not what God is asking.

And at the same time, sometimes I’m much more comfortable getting things done than sitting in the chapel where it feels “useless.” It’s not useless. But that feeling is real. And this is where the relationship piece helps.

Think about it: if you have a friend, or you’re in community, or you have family—am I avoiding my family? Or am I hanging out with them too much because I don’t want to go to work? In other words: is it a healthy relationship? Am I loving? Am I engaging in a way that seeks their good—and at the same time doing other things, outside of “being with them,” because that’s also for their good?

I notice there are times I’m hanging out too much with someone—or too little with someone. Sometimes hanging out too much gets awkward because I’m avoiding other things. Or I’m hanging out too little because I’m avoiding something in the relationship. The same thing can happen with God.

We should treat our relationship with God like a real relationship. What does a relationship need?

Sometimes it’s more time with him. I just need to be with him. I don’t need to say anything. Maybe that’s in everyday life. Maybe that’s in the chapel. Maybe it’s simply: I need to pay more attention.

But sometimes it’s the opposite: I know what I need to do, and it’s not in the chapel—because we already had the conversation. I need to go and do this thing. Or I need to go talk to this person.

I’m obviously an active religious. And all of you are lay people. Prayer is probably not “hanging out for 20 hours.” We don’t have 20 hours. So prayer isn’t meant to be just an activity—it’s meant to be a relationship, a way of being.

Even today, there’s a lot going on. So what does my prayer look like? Sometimes I get stuck thinking, “I don’t have time to pray.” But the real question is: was my relationship with God what it was supposed to be?

Maybe it was. Maybe it was remembering him during the day and thanking him. Or maybe it was paying attention because someone else needed something and I responded—even though I personally would have rather done something else. Because that, in the deepest sense of the word, is prayer.

Again, that’s not an excuse to avoid prayer: “I have things to do, so I don’t need to sit and talk to God.” No. We need to sit and talk to God and go deeper. But we are in an active ministry, and there’s no magical “just hanging out” that fixes everything.

It’s worth thinking about rhythm. We’re allowed to build that relationship, and sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder. There’s a certain realism here—just like in any relationship.

Personally, I’m very grateful that we have an active life and a regular prayer life. We do get together. We pray. We pray in the evening. We have Mass. Obviously we can do more, and we can grow in personal prayer. We can always come back and talk to the Lord.

But there’s something to be said for this: if you’re sitting here, you’re already growing that life. And maybe for some of us, we prefer more prayer, more time in the chapel, and we can’t. And maybe others prefer less. A real relationship should pull us out of our comfort zone.

Sometimes that means spending more time: when I don’t want to, but I should. And sometimes it means being sent out: to do what I need to do, to love concretely, and not hide.

That’s why we ask the Lord for the grace of Lent: that he can draw us into deeper prayer. And for some of us, that might mean spending more time physically in prayer. And for some of us, it might mean doing more of the other things we need to do—but maintaining that contact with the Lord in those things.

Let’s ask for that grace. Because it’s really neat how Jesus is so balanced. It’s like: I’m going to have a relationship with you. I don’t want you to be weird. I want you to be a person. I want to talk to you. I want to spend time with you.

And we can live that. People in the world don’t have all the structures that we have, but they’re still called to the same depth of relationship.

What does that look like when you’re raising kids? What does that look like when you have a full-time job? What does that look like in a busy city? It probably looks like doing things in a different way than we’re used to.

But we should show that it’s possible: we can have that relationship, we can build it—maybe in easier circumstances here—and then go back out and continue to share it, live it, and make it real.

That’s what God wants for us.